Asperger Syndrome behavior includes having a hard time connecting consequences to what they did wrong.
Hindsight is 20/20 and having an NT* child helps to see the how Aspies are different. Here's another Asperger Syndrome behavior that my husband and I reminisce over.
*NT is short for neuro-typical. It's the polite way to refer to people whom others might call "normal." As you can imagine, to use the word "normal" is offensive to those of us who are not.
When my Aspie was 10 months old, he pulled himself up in front of the TV to play with the DVD player. I wasn't concerned about the TV falling on him or anything, but of course I watched with eagle eyes.
Buttons are fun! So, of course, he began touching buttons on the DVD player and was fascinated by lights turning on and the DVD drawer opening.
For fear of having to replace the DVD player, I said in a stern voice, "Trio Man (that's our nickname for him), don't play with the DVD player!" Trio Man looked at me and then turned back to play with the DVD player once again.
This time I moved to Trio Man, got down so that my face was at his level, and repeated, "Trio Man, don't touch the DVD player!" and wagged my finger at him. Trio Man looked at me and then turned back to play with the DVD player once again.
Still at his level, I repeated "Trio Man, do not touch the DVD player!" while pointing to the DVD player and then slapping his hand. This time Trio Man cried. Then he turned back to play with the DVD player again!
The only way to get Trio Man to not play with the DVD player was to move him away from it and distract him with something that he found more interesting.
Four years after the DVD player incident with my Aspie, my husband and I experienced the same scenario with our second boy. This one we call Spiderman.
When my NT was 10 months old, he pulled himself up in front of the TV to play with the DVD player. Once again, I watched with eagle eyes.
My husband was between Spiderman at the DVD player and me. I was watching from across the room. My husband said in a stern voice, "Spiderman, don't play with the DVD player!"
Immediately, Spiderman sat down and cried. My husband and I looked at each other in amazement!
I can't tell you how redeemed I felt! I didn't understand why my "do not touch" technique did not work until I understood Asperger Syndrome behavior. With 20/20 hindsight, I see how I could have parented Trio Man more effectively.
What I should have done with Trio Man was look at him at his level (even if he wouldn't look me in the eye), tell him "no touch," and lead him away from the DVD player.
I may have needed to do this same response many times. I may have gotten frustrated. But I needed to persevere with consistency. Parenting an Aspie requires more patience and perseverance than parenting NTs.
Whew! Parenting an Aspie is tiring!
Instead of saying, "Nothing works with this kid!" give the consequences longer than your friend with the NT child--maybe twice as long--before you change to a different method.
(Again, hindsight is 20/20... I wish I had had more perseverance and patience when Trio Man was a toddler. If I had, we'd be further along with both boys right now.)
Learn more parenting techniques on the Positive Parenting page.
When you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie. So what were your Aspie's behaviors like before he or she started kindergarten?
Hindsight is 20/20. So in your perfect hindsight, share with us what behaviors you saw in your child to indicate his or her Aspergers Syndrome Behavior.
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page.
blended family.. new step-mom of a boy with Asperger's... entire family struggles
I am new to all this, and I am struggling... I always ask myself if something was missed years ago? I am now dealing with a 17 year old, diagnosed... and …
To receive the Aspergers Syndrome Parent newsletter, complete the form below.